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Friday, December 7, 2007

Restless nights

On a night where I should be enjoying the solitude and the calmness I'm restless. The first night in weeks for which I have had no responsibilities. No commitments. Just the ability to sit back and relax. But low and behold I'm antsy. Go Figure. Story of my life.

This weekend should prove to be a lot of fun and provide plenty of stress relief. First I have my work holiday party.....which I'm SO excited for. I didn't go last year and wasn't really interested in going, but this year is different. I'm firmly established in my company, i have a lot of friends to share the night with and it should prove to be a VERY fun night

Then sunday we have my dance team's holiday party. And i haven't seen my girls in a week because of my work schedule. I'm looking forward to this one probably even more than the other party. Just because I love these girls so much. They give me so much happiness.

Tonight got me thinking about a lot of things. Which tends to happen to me when I have too much time and nothing to focus my energy on. It had me thinking about love and relationships. About where i want to go in regards to that. Most of my friends from high school are married and with kids. Or like my cousins, they are engaged to be married. I'm one of the last of the cousins of my age to get engaged. And while its kinda sad, i also have no inclination to be in a relationship right now. I'm having absolutely way too much fun in my single life. Plus, I don't have the time to put forth a good effort to making a relationship work. And thats not fair to any man I'd decide to be with. So for now, I'll live my life as is and wait for the day that I finally realize I'm ready. Because if I have to ask myself if I'm ready to be committed than I'm not. The day will come and I'll know it without asking.....at least thats my philosophy.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

A good day....so few but so amazing

So today was a good day. Another one.....can you believe it?

I'm kinda flabbergasted. HAHA. It was still work, but I felt accomplished today. I had a list of things I needed to get done, and I got almost everything I needed to finished. So I feel a sense of relief flowing over me. Because the end is almost near for this deadline and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We're coming through and Christmas is almost here. A couple weeks to relax and I am counting down the days till that time.

So what do you do on a night where you get off work early (as in 8:30pm)....funny how thats early, and you're happy.....hmmm. Thats right, you have a little dinner and you watch Private Practice....one of my only guilty pleasures these days. So here I am.....relaxing...for once! Thank goodness.

So on a night like tonight I'm saying my prayers and being grateful for whats been given to me. Because even though these days are few and far between....I'll take what I can get. Especially when I've had two good days in a row.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Thankful for Small Favors

Today had to be one of the best days I've had in a VERY long time. Well besides the work part that is.

My morning started by waking up to find a missed call and voicemail from Joe. (he's a marine and is currently deployed in Afghanistan). Until Saturday I hadn't had any kind of correspondence with him in over a month. That was when I got a message from him. Then this morning not only did I get the voicemail, I got another phone call :-)

Talking to him was by far the highlight of my day, and will keep me smiling for a LONG time. We talked for almost an hour and I had forgotten how great a simple phone call could be. And not only did I get the chance to talk to him, but I found out that when he gets back he'll be making his way back to San Diego :-) Best news I've heard in ages.

So needless to say, tonight....I'm a happy girl. No matter all the drama shit going on with work, family and friends.... I'm happy. And Joe....if you're reading this....call me again crazy man! I can't wait to talk to you! =P

Monday, December 3, 2007

A Glass of Wine Cures all

Ok it really doesn't, but tonight I'm going to pretend it does. I've had a shitty work day and I can't seem to get over the all consuming anger and fury running through my body. The frustration thats mounting and the unbelievable amount of stress I have flowing through me. Its suffocating. Makes me feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe. And I don't know how to stop it.

So tonight, I came home. Sat back. And had a REALLY big glass of wine. And I'm contemplating a second. And thats not good. But tonight, of all nights, I need to be able to let go of everything. Because if I don't...... I'm going to push past the edge.....and then there's no looking back.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

The End of the "Weekend" or whatever its called

So it's Sunday evening and its the end of my supposed "weekend"....I like how weekend seems to be a relative term these days. Because there really seems to be no such thing. I work pretty much seven days a week...and that is usually consisting of both jobs. I just returned home from a 9 hour day of work and get to get up and start the new week with no real chance to rest. It sucks

But on the plus side, I reconnected with a couple weekend this weekend that I haven't spoken to in forever. I got to talk with my high school dance coach who basically served as a second mother to me during my high school days. She always looked out for me and offered me support in ways no other person could. She understands my passion for dance and has always pushed me to be the best I could. She pushes me to challenge myself and to follow my dreams without hesitation. She was the one person I could always turn to and know that when I discussed my ideas of what I wanted to do with my life, that she'd be understanding and supportive. Because she had been there.

I also got in touch with a couple of old friends whom I have not spoken in way too long. And it was nice to have the connection back. To know that there are people out there who understand me, who have seen me grow and understand the person that I am today because of things I've gone through in my past.

The past few months I've started to feel unbelievably alone in the world. Like my friends are disappearing. Not because of fights or disagreements, but just because everyone is involved in their own lives. My group of girlfriends who I have always counted on to be my support team seem to have disappeared. Everyone is wrapped up in relationships, the working world and just life in general. We've gotten so wrapped up in everything else that we forgot to be there for each other. But at least some of us are trying to rectify the situation. Trying to put forth the effort to stay and touch and keep that friendship strong. These are the girls who I have countless memories with and it makes me so sad to think that it might slip away. But again, its about making an effort to keep friendships. Like everything else in life, you can't assume it will always be there. You have to fight for things, work for them.

So thats my resolution....i know its not the new year, but it might as well be. My goal is to keep in touch with the people that matter most to me. I've taken them for granted for far too long and its time to show my friends that I'm as invested in our friendships as they are.

Alright - its time to sit back and relax a little. Enjoy the last few hours of this "weekend".