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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Insomniac - night owl

It is now coming to the close of my three weeks of blissful vacation. I have one more day until I return to my normal routine of killing myself night and day. Well, actually not even that. I'll be working for most of the day tomorrow making sure I get some prep work done before I go back.

And over the last 3 weeks I have turned myself into a night owl. I haven't gone to bed before 3 am since before Christmas....and tonight is no exception. I actually fell asleep around 8pm, which I was super excited for! But then woke up at 11pm and couldn't fall back to sleep even after lying in bed for an hour.

So here I sit wondering what I'm going to do come tomorrow night when I have to go to bed and get ready for the next morning. I'll probably end up taking a tylenol pm or something. Or more likely, I'll stay up till god knows when, wake up and then spend half of my week dragging until my body finally forces me to go to sleep at a normal time.

But for now, I'm going to sip on a glass of wine and hope it helps lull me back to sleep.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Night of Reflection

I'm sitting in my apartment enjoying one of the last nights of freedom that I will have over the next several months, and contemplating so many things. What I still want to accomplish, where I want to go, who I want to be, and I have to say that I'm starting to see glimpses of it. I've spent the last year of my life thinking of how very lost I've become. I've stood back and observed my life and saw that I had no idea of what I was doing.

I blamed it on everything else but myself. And I've realized that by doing that I have been the person I do not want to be. I do not want to be someone who cannot admit to their own faults and shortcomings. We are all human and there will be many within our lifetime. It is the people who face these faults head on and admit that they are their own faults and not anyone elses that I strive to be like.

So going into this new year, I take reflection of the faults I have, of the decisions I've made (I won't say regrets, as I don't truly regret any of my choices because they have led me here), and strive to take efforts to set myself in the direction I want to go. The direction that I have known was right for me for as long as I can remember. To truly be me.