So I've only been MIA for God knows how long, and this blog has been severely neglected for that same period of time. I'm going to try and get back into doing this regularly, but please bare with me as my life has been somewhat chaotic of late. I'm still trying to iron things out and figure out my course which has proved difficult during the recent months.
The Christmas holiday is over, which depresses me greatly. But New Years is around the corner and I don't know if thats exciting or even more depressing for me. Because I look at where I was last year at this point in time, the expectations I had of the coming year and all the excitement it was going to bring, and I look at how severely disappointing 2008 turned out to be. My expectations were blown to hell, and I was left struggling to pick up the pieces. I still AM struggling to pick them up and put them back together.
To say that 2008 fell short of every single one of my expectations might be somewhat harsh, and reality its not completely true. I had several GREAT things come my way that I would not change for anything. However, there were many struggles and let downs that I would rather erase from my memory and leave behind with no chance for rediscovery. Lost love, anger, and resentment among the top.
But looking back at 2008 has made me put new perspective as to the upcoming year. Actions need to be taken, rather than sitting by and continuing to live the same scenarios. I know this is all very vague, but many things cannot be written in explicit detail because of several things: 1) I still can't vocalize my feelings on the subject/person; 2) the events are still too fresh to be completely separated from them and reflect objectively and 3) its not the time to reveal my thoughts.
I know..complicated right? And that I think has been the hardest part about this past year. I have always been one to figure things out and make decisions without prolonging it. However, I have been incapable of doing that this year. I continue to mull in the same spot and cannot make heads or tails of what I really want or need.
Alright - I can't do heavy crap right now. So some of the good things that have come of this year
Funks/PGN - the dance team that I joined back at the end of January 2008 has now branched out and we have now started our own group PGN Dance Co. And this group of people has been my savior throughout the year. The new friendships I have gained have helped me get through the shit I didnt want to deal with and has offered me the greatest opportunity.
My new Place - I've moved out on my own. I branched out and have stepped into the world of living in a 2 story 1 bedroom loft. And I love it. It fits me perfectly. Allowing me to be as creative as I want in decorating, live the life I want to live, with no interference. Not that there was really ever interference before, but something about getting to be in charge of everything that comes along with the apartment has been such a blessing. Its been my little safe haven.
Weddings Galore - I think I lost count after the 4th or 5th wedding. I can say that I have traveled more this year than I have in any recent years, and that was due to the immense amount of weddings/bachelorette parties/family events etc. New places that I traveled this year include the following: New York, Seattle, Philadelphia, Newark, Detroit....and I returned to San Francisco for the first time in a very long time as well. Several bachelorette parties in Vegas, holidays at Sunset Beach...its been quite intense. As well as draining on the bank account, but in the end it was totally worth it :-)
Family - there have been several hardships that my family has gone through this year. Some which we thought we had gotten past that resurfaced, and others that have been ongoing struggles for many years. But these struggles have strengthened the bond within my family. I realize more and more every day as to how much they all mean to me and the lengths that I would go to for them. They are my world, and I only wished that we were all closer in proximity. Because the distance between us is sometimes more than I wish to bare.
So thats my update for now. I have concluded the first week of my holiday vacation and I have 2 more weeks! I don't know what to do with myself. Its insane to have so much free time but I'm loving it. I've finished 3 of the 4 Twilight books within the last few days (Xmas presents which I have not put down since I got them). And I can't wait to see what the next couple weeks pans out to hold. I know I am excited to finally get a chance to go home to Vegas for an extended period. Without bachelorette party obligations. I'll actually see my friends and family. And it has been way too long for that. I yearn to have that time with them. :-)
But for now thats all. I promise to keep this more updated. If I don't I give full permission to hound me until I do. Because I will hound others who have been slacking on theirs as well!!(cough::cough::: Sister::cough::cough)
<3
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